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Vulnerability + Creativity Hangovers + How to Make it Through
“When you are sad or hurt by an old wound, and then ticked off because you thought you were “over it’, it’s not that you weren’t healed, but that you have a deep heart and soul and it is multi-layered. The pain is not an old incision opening, but a new layer of healing and growth. No need to beat yourself up over that (or ever).” — Randi Buckley
I shared that gem in my Reclamation FB group recently, and I thought you might find it useful as well.
It really hit me because I feel the same way about my creative work triggers — like, reeeeeally?
After all these years + all this being seen — I stilllll have to deal with vulnerability hangovers? Putting something new into the world stilllll makes me want to run + hide the next day because I don’t know if anyone found it was useful? I stilllll have to battle the day after chorus of “but what if it was too woo or I was too swear-ey + overshare-ey or those tech issues pissed them off too much”?
Yup. Same me, same triggers, same doubt.
Luckily, I have been in the ring long enough to know that I can handle being in that space. I don’t love it, but it’s part of the territory of a woman who thinks giving zero fucks is a terrible way to live a life.
And because I’ve put so much of my heart + work out in the world over the last 9 years, I also know what helps soothe my vulnerability flare-ups. I practice an indulgent amount of self-care — discoball manicure! aqua joy hat! posting flattering selfies on insta! — and I let myself be seen instead of hiding.
I talk about how uncomfortable I feel with people who get it, I ask for many hugs by tiny humans + strong husbands + loving moms and most importantly, I review what I loved about what I did.
‘Cause in the end? I can’t control how my work is received. And trying to control it is a recipe for crazytown.
I can gather feedback and improve for the next round, but I have to release the need for my creativity to be validated by others. The questions that are most important — Am I proud? Did I create the evening of connection + magic evening I was imagining? What did I learn for next time? — are the ones I concentrate on.
And I keep reminding myself that pleasing EVERYONE is an impossible, ridiculous goal and one that dilutes the strength of my offerings.
To anyone who’s in the ring — letting your work + your art + your offerings be seen by the world — mad fucking props. Keep being brave.
We can do this. 💪🏼