There are No Magical Answers and 3 Questions Worth the Work

I’m sorry to break it to you, love, but there are no magical answers.

You’re stuck because you keep waiting for the path to be illuminated from above. You’re stuck because you’re looking for the way forward to be labeled steps one through ten, for the breakthrough to be found in the very next book you read, for the certainty to be bestowed upon you by an expert.

I know how it feels — wanting someone wiser, with more experience, with the magical gift of future insight, to give you the answer.

Wanting someone to tell you exactly what to do when you are bogged down in your own negativity or helplessness or overwhelm.

Are they the one? Or is there someone better out there?

Is this the job should you apply for? Will you love it more than your current gig?

Are you ready to have kids? Will it be too late if you put it off for a few more years?

What do you need to do to radically grow your business? Should you invest in PR or different branding or that expensive marketing course?

And beneath those concerns are the deeper questions…

The questions for which you’re really craving assurance and advice. The questions that matter the most to your well lived and fully loved life. The questions you should be cultivating because knowing the answers will help you make decisions about any of the inquiries above.

Let me repeat myself.

There are no magical answers.

But there are hard-fought trial-and-error answers. There are answers simply found when you get silent and receive. There are answers that come to you through an open heart, gentle curiosity, or a willingness to get comfortable with uncertainty.

Ready to dig in? I’d start with these questions.

Who are you if you give up your clenched fist of perfection?

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That clenched fist keeps you locked in a sea of mediocrity — too afraid to fail, which in turn, makes you too afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Even if that very comfort zone causes tears every Monday morning or locked in a loveless marriage, it’s still your comfort zone.

You tell yourself that nothing is worth doing if you can’t do it perfectly, but that is a story built on lies.

And it’s the very story that is keeping you unhappy.

There are a gazillion things worth doing even if you’re not doing them perfectly.

In fact, many those things become more exquisite, more memorable, more real, when they are far, far from perfect.

Running in the rain. Writing your novel. Eating peaches on a summer day’s walk with your best friend. Burrowing your face in your lover’s shoulder. Collapsing into a snow bank with eyelashes coated in snowflakes. Holding your newborn baby for the first time.

Dancing. Singing. Being naked. Trusting someone with your tender heart. Allowing someone to trust you with theirs.

Trying something new. Trying something so old, so forgotten, that it feels new again.

Wildly failing at something, but with the gut deep knowledge that you gave it your all.

Perfection is a trap.

It keeps you from experiencing joy in the journey.

Who are you if you admit you want something more?

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What if you stopped sabotaging your own desires with wishy washy motivation and negligible follow through? What if you stopped preparing yourself for the worst?

You jump so quickly to comfort yourself, to keep yourself protected by dreaming small, sure that it will hurt more if you swing big and miss.

But at least swinging and missing means you’re trying.

At least swinging and missing means you’re stretching your current view of your capabilities (which are fucking limitless by the way.)

Wanting more doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for what you have. It doesn’t mean you don’t love those who are close to you. It doesn’t mean you look down on others who are content with their current situation.

It just means you’re outgrowing the limits you’ve placed on your own life.

Playing small is a trap.

It keeps you from experiencing trust in your strength.

Who are you if you tell the truth?

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The truth that is neither tidy nor kind. The kind of truth that is going to break someone’s heart or shatter the illusion of the perfect life or upend every accomplishment for which you’ve worked so damn hard.

What would happen if you told the truth that you’ve only trusted to your journal in vague terms and blanket statements, because even writing it down for yourself is nerve wracking? Nerve wracking, and bitterly sad, and incredibly freeing all at the same time.

Living a life of unspoken truths will never fully be yours.

Speaking the truth and trusting that you can handle the aftermath is the only choice. As much as you want to ignore it, stuff it down, pretend that inconvenient truth isn’t there — the feeling of being out of alignment will never leave.

Untold truths will always lurk beneath the surface of otherwise lovely moments.

Lying to yourself is a trap.

It keeps you from experiencing the peace of integrity.

These big questions, these questions that ask you to define yourself can only be answered by you.

There are no magical answers and there are no greater experts on your life than you.

But the work you do in honor of your own joy, your own alignment, your own journey — it’s all worth it.

Thinking of you, sweet one.

I don’t have the answers, but I do have faith in you and your ability to find them.