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Tearing Down, Building Up
I put up my maternity email auto-responder yesterday.
While Tiny’s still hanging out in my belly — I’m ready for some breathing space from the day-to-day operations of Stratejoy.
Life’s been a whirlwind over here.
Not in a necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that would previously have toppled me over in anxiety and insomnia.
(I’m definitely not sleeping well, but that’s got more to do with getting up to pee every 2 hours than stress! And yes, some pieces of life are causing me slight anxiety — choosing paint colors, trying to convince Ken to polish the cement exactly like my hair salon floors, agreeing on a boy’s name — but none of it’s major shit.)
I’ve had a very full business and coaching schedule (love you guys!) since January. My mother-in-law, my mom, my sister and her fiancé and my dad have all visited us at various times since the holidays. Ken and I’ve spent the last 3 months buying and closing on a new house, in what turned out to be a completely frustrating experience. We’re now in the midst of doing some major remodeling before our July move in date (when I say we are doing major remodeling, I mean we are hiring talented people to do the major remodeling.)
And obviously, I’m expecting my second tiny human any day now!
I’m 37 weeks right now and Max came at 38 weeks.
This third trimester has been totally different than my first easy pregnancy — my back and right hip have been causing me an incredible amount of pain and loss of mobility. Without the dear love and attention from my massage therapist and acupuncturist, I’m not sure if I would still be walking right now.
Being pregnant with an almost two year old at home who’s full of emotions and energy and demands is also draining! No long naps for me, or Netflix marathons, or time to slow down this time around. Luckily, I have the full support of my husband and our awesome nanny or this whole journey would have been a lot harder. I count each day of survival as a win right now — even if my version of playing with Max looks like lying on the floor while he crawls, jumps, and launches himself over “Mama Mountain” or I haven’t managed to shower in 2 days.
So what exactly have I been tearing down and building up?
These last few months have forced me to release my hard-wired expectations that I should always have it together.
I’ve truly had to take it one day at a time. I’ve had to stop over-committing, stop thinking I’m invincible, stop worrying so much about what others think when I cancel on them or say no or hold strong to my boundaries.
I’ve had to get really, really comfortable with change.
I preach these ideas all the time, but these last few months have hammered them home for me.
I hear a lot of “you teach what you need to learn” in my slice of personal development.
Hell, that’s comforting right now.
I’m firmly planted in my desire and committment to work with women in transition because — hello! Transition in full force over here!
Since the summer of 2011, I’ve been in a constant state of newness — moving, making new adult friends in a new city, birthing, mothering, growing Stratejoy significantly in reach and reward, finding a balance of work + family + Molly, moving again, making new adult friends in another new town, buying a home, growing another tiny human, and prepping for birth again.
I feel very lucky that my current transitions haven’t been the heart wrenching tragedy of unwanted upheaval, but a series of deliberate choices.
However they came to be, it’s still a crazy amount of change.
The knowledge that I’ve gleaned from my work with other incredible women in the process of change and reinvention is to simply be present and trust yourself.
Life is messy. You’ll feel frustration and elation in the same day. You’ll tear down and build up over and over again. Things get close to being “settled” and another wrench is thrown. You’ll figure out you don’t really want what you thought you wanted and it’s time to start the process again.
It’s all okay.
You are not alone.
Trust yourself to figure it out, whether that means reaching out for help, giving up your idea of what your life was supposed to look like, or simply just surviving day-by-day for a bit.
And honey? Know that there is joy available in each moment.
That’s been my personal challenge to myself during this time of tearing down and building up — what is the joy in this moment?
What is the joy in this moment when every decision seems urgent and vital? What is the joy in this moment as Max runs down the hallway naked, handing me a small piece of poop with a gleeful smile? What is the joy in this moment as I collaspe onto the heating pad on the couch at 8 pm unable to move? What is the joy in this moment as I nervously ask a new friend to host a mama blessing? What is the joy in this moment as I say no to a business oppurtunity?
Lucikly, my word this year is Revel. And I’ve been trying my hardest to honor it.
To revel is to take intense pleasure or delight, to make merry, to take satisfaction.
It’s been a gentle reminder to find the joy as often as I can — even in the midst of the whirlwind.
To revel is to take delight in Max’s hilarious singing, naked running streaks, poop deliveries, and illogical toddler tantrums. To care for and pamper my uncomfortable body. To laugh at the loan process and try to ease Ken’s frustration as he takes on the brunt of paperwork, annoyances, and final decisions.
To revel is to accept this time of transition with an open heart.
To be fully present as we tear down our comfortable routine of 1 child + 2 businesses and to embrace building up our new reality of 2 children + 2 businesses + 1 home.
To revel is to find the fun and levity right now — the excitement of remodeling our small darling beach house into a home, of anticipating the sex of our 2nd child, of laughing when my hip gives out and I spill coffee all over the floor before landing in it, of celebrating the amazingness of growing a human in my belly.
So, that’s the scoop in my corner of the Universe.
Thank you all for being part of my journey, part of my reason for being, part of my daily joy.
And in the wise words of my auto-responder, I’ll sign off with this —
I’ve gone offline to prepare for the arrival of Tiny, remodel our new beach house, and be present with my family. I’ll be on maternity leave until September, checking my email very sporadically. Joyful living FTW!I will, however, be posting pics to my Instagram feed. http://instagram.com/mollymaharAnd staying in touch a bit via Twitter. https://twitter.com/stratejoyIf you have a product/course specific question or want to get on my coaching wait list for September, please contact my assistant Katie at katie @ stratejoy . com in my absence. She’ll hook you up — she’s way better at email than I am.