Finding Myself When I Was Lost

It was four years that I wore suits to work, expensed fancy lunches, and worked my tail off as a sales manager at a sexy boutique hotel.   It was four years ago that I admitted what I thought I wanted felt hollow and unfulfilling.  It was four years ago that I felt utterly lost- disconnected from that girl who knew she possessed gifts of inspiration and influence, the one who was a natural leader, and boatloads of fun to boot.

It was also just about four years ago that I actually did something about it.

At the time, I had never heard of a Quarterlife Crisis.  I had no term or website to explain the phenomenon that had spun me into a massive rut.  One that I couldn’t fake or please or ignore my way out of… It wasn’t quite depression (I’d been there before) but definitely an extended period of blah, numbing with a large quantity of wine, and plenty of existential questioning…

I didn’t know anyone else who was going through it either—my friends seemed happy enough at their jobs, didn’t seem to be questioning their life in the same way.

But I knew that “this” wasn’t my life. That I wasn’t tapping into the part of me that could really make a difference, the force that would give my life meaning and excitement and damn it, happiness.

What could I do that would allow me to access that potential?  I had no clue. I did, however, have a boyfriend who’d just flipped a condo and had a major case of wanderlust.  I did, luckily have a true desire to rediscover myself and a willingness to turn my life upside down.

Four years ago I put in my 2 week notice at my full time job, and a short two months later, left on a backpacking trip around the world.  As cliché as it sounds now, I set out to find myself.

Why am I telling my story again? I forget that newcomers to this amazing community don’t know my past…

You don’t know that it was only four years ago that I was in your shoes. Totally and completely stuck, unsure what the frick to do about it, feeling alone and scared and like the weight of the world rested on my next decision.

Obviously, the outcome of that 10 month adventure through Central America, Europe, South Africa, India and Southeast Asia (besides many crazy stories, new friends, and lessons learned) was Stratejoy.  From 3 journals full of self-exploration, to any personal development book I could get my hands on, to at least four ideas on how I wanted to serve–came this community.

Came YOU.  And me.  And our journey together.

I didn’t want any other young woman to feel like she was alone in putting her happiness first. I wanted a place we could gather where it wasn’t it was foolish, or selfish, to concentrate on creating blissful, meaningful lives.

It’s been an amazing journey thus far.

Of course, I’m still figuring things out around here!  I do know, however, that my vision is coming true.  That this site (and workshops, and coaching groups, and products) is a positive corner of the Internet.  One that is totally accepting of differences and forthright honesty and big dreaming.  One where it’s okay to say you don’t know what’s next, but that you are dedicated to doing it on your own terms.

My message for you- the one I want you to hear loud and clear- is that I’ve been where you are.  I’ve felt overwhelmed and disenchanted and utterly lost.  I’ve been hopeless and blah and without a plan and running out of money and gaining weight.   I’ve cried myself to sleep and bitched at my partner and wasted entire days researching grad programs in Brazil.

You are not alone.

You are here.  And you are safe.  And loved.  And recognized for the brilliance that is just waiting to shine if you give it chance.

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I’m so very glad you found me.  Found us.

And I’ll do anything in my power to help you realize your gifts.  To rev up your internal beliefs into hopeful nuggets instead of negative Nellie bitch slaps. To take inspired external action. To play big. To love life and yourself exactly as you are in the moment: enough.

I want you to feel happy when you wake up in the morning.  And you know what, sugar?  I know it’s possible to go from the depths of a boozy and broke Quarterlife Crisis to living a life of intention and joy.

I’m freakin’ living proof.

Of course I’m still scared of things and have shitty days and doubt my path from time to time.  That’s called life.   But I do know that if I hadn’t made a major change four years ago, hadn’t given myself time and space to create a new definition of success for myself, hadn’t done something, anything about the black hole I was sinking into—my life wouldn’t be where it is today.

I’m grateful everyday that I was gutsy enough to admit I wasn’t happy and do something about it. If you need it right now, I wish the same for you.

Journey on, sister.