3 Beliefs Standing Between You + Your Dream Life

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If you open the doors of my art closet, you’ll see every old vision board I’ve ever made taped to the walls.

Since I’ve been in California these past 6 years, the personal inspiration pics have been full of babies on the beach, adult picnics with mason jars of rosé, outdoor living rooms, and yoga/surfing/taco shack/Highway One adventures.

Yup, I’m pretty much a walking cliché…

The career inspiration pics have stayed consistent since I started Stratejoy back in 2009 — stages I want to speak on, retreats I want to lead, mentors I want to learn from, writing spaces tucked away in various glorious lady offices and continually growing Tribe goals.

Those old vision boards are proof my growth. I love seeing the journey of my cravings and the evolution of my dreams.​

But you know what I love even more than my own vision boards?

I love your vision boards. I love seeing how you define success. I love the deep conversations we can have when I know what you care about.

Why? I’m obsessed with talking to women about what they really want from their lives.

Is it small daily joys? A financial safety net in the bank? A family that eats dinner together every night? The freedom to travel whenever you want? Leaving a legacy?

I can assure you, the definitions of success I hear are both incredibly inspiring and wildly different.

But if I’m being honest, one thing is really starting to bother me.

There are women I talk to who seem scared of declaring what success looks like to them. They tell me they don’t have any big dreams for their life or goals they’re pursuing in the day-to-day.

They avoid my question with sarcasm, with their overflowing to do lists, with declarations that “everything’s fine.”

When I really dig into what’s going on, they usually end up admitting they have one of these 3 beliefs…

3 Beliefs Standing Between You + Your Dream Life

  • I’m just trying to stay afloat right now. I’m too busy and overwhelmed to even know what I really want, so why bother trying to figure it out?
  • Other people have the confidence, connections, money or support to go after big crazy dreams, but I don’t. I’ll never be Brené  Brown or Mindy Kaling or Danielle LaPorte or Roxane Gay or Elizabeth Gilbert — so why bother trying?
  • Nothing has ever worked for me in the past — even when I join a group or put money down or declare my goals publicly. It’s getting embarrassing to even admit I still want “fill-in-the-goal,” so why bother trying if I’m just going to fail again?

Let’s break them down, honey.

Because those very excuses are standing between you and  your dream life.


Belief #1. I’m too busy + overwhelmed to think about what I really want, so why bother trying?

Deep down you know that “too busy and overwhelmed” is just an excuse, right?

I mean, there are about a million Queen Bey memes that I could share right now  — You have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyoncé, anyone? — but I’ll restrain myself.

Because I get your overwhelm and exhaustion and stress.

I’ve got a demanding business and toddlers and exactly 0% of my holiday planning done and a 50th birthday party to plan and this hacking cough that won’t clear and …

And… And…

The thing is? Our individual lists of anxiety don’t actually matter that much.

How we lead our lives knowing “the lists” will always be present matters soooo much more.

And here’s what I know for certain.

Ready?

  • A lack of clarity about your bigger picture is one of the CAUSES of your overwhelm, not one of the symptoms.  
  • Lack of time is, frankly, a shitty excuse to stay disconnected from your dreams.

Without defined intentions for your life or specific goals that will help you get there — you are unmoored.

And what happens when you’re operating without an anchor?

You are prone to saying YES to a million things that you shouldn’t. You’re without a reason to stay NO to things that you should. You binge on distractions, fall into the comparison trap, and stop standing up for your own opinions.

So what do you do?

You spend the time needed to clearly define success for yourself.

Clearly defining success allows you to prune through those overwhelming To Do lists, set stronger boundaries with people who suck your resources, trade excuses for action, and have a framework to make the bigger decisions.

It’s worth the time.

And YOU are worth the effort.

And yes, I know that groceries need to appear in the fridge and dentist appointments need to be made and you need to prove yourself to your new boss so you can get a raise.

And I want you do to all those things.

But I also want to you understand that you must give yourself time for silence, reflection and visioning to (re)connect with your dreams. You must give yourself space to (re)commit to your goals. Doing so is absolutely vital to your sense of worth and your experience of your beautiful life.

And babe? I know you are capable of this.

You might have to get uncomfortable by helping yourself before you help others.

You might have cut out some of the ways you self soothe (internet, tv, alcohol, martyrdom, obsession with perfection) in order to find time.

You might have to disappoint someone else in order to stay true to who you really are and what you really want.

But you can do it.


Belief #2. Other people have things I don’t have, so why bother trying?

Why bother trying? WHY BOTHER TRYING?

“Other people have the confidence, connections, money or support to go after big crazy dreams, but I don’t. I’ll never be Brené  Brown or Mindy Kaling or Danielle LaPorte or Roxane Gay or Elizabeth Gilbert — so why bother trying?”

How freakin’ sad would our world be if women who felt things were stacked against them didn’t bother trying?

Girl.

Don’t forget that EVERYONE started somewhere. EVERYONE fails and starts over. EVERYONE gets caught up in the comparison game at some point or another.

EVERYONE has moments of doubting their purpose, their gifts or their dedication.

But everyone who really loves their life (whether it’s small + sweet or big + bold) — knows that they are allowed to try.

They are allowed to rise up. They are allowed to desire more than they currently have.

You don’t have the exact same combination of confidence, connections, money or support as someone else. You have your own combo and it’s part of what makes up your special sauce.

Don’t get stuck believing that your special sauce is less than or worse.*

Let me be clear. You’re allowed to want more. To desire different. To crave impact.

Big dreams (however you define them) are for you.

Wanting more doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for what you have. It doesn’t mean you don’t love those who are close to you. It doesn’t mean you look down on others who are content with their current situation.

Wanting more simply means you’re outgrowing the limits you’ve placed on your own life.

It means you’re embracing the fact that you are worthy of your greatest desires. And it means you’re acknowledging the power you hold to create change.

Self-efficacy. Hope. Dreams. Special Sauce.

You’ve got it all. Use it for good.

Why bother?  

Your life, honey, your life, is at stake.


Belief #3. Nothing has worked for me before, so why bother trying?

This one’s a biggie. Seriously, circle up.

“Nothing has ever worked for me in the past — even when I join a group or put money down or declare my goals publicly. It’s getting embarrassing to even admit I still want “fill-in-the-goal,” so why bother trying if I’m just going to fail again?

First things first, sister.

Beginning again is noble, not shameful.

To begin again is a badge of pride, not a testament to weakness.

I’m going to take a very informed guess that while you may have the correct desires, you don’t have the correct tools.

Forward movement born from love, not fear, needs 4 pieces to function.

  • Awareness (What do I really want?)
  • Alignment (How do I say no in order to say yes?
  • Action (How do I do the hard things?)
  • Accountability (How do I pay attention to my progress?)

​​The issue I see? Generally you focus on just one or two pieces, instead of seeing them as a powerful foursome.

Awareness is the incredibly powerful skill of listening to yourself.

Becoming aware of what has gone right, what has gone wrong, and what your wisest self is craving can make the difference between a year that feels beyond your control and one that feels like you’re aligning with your true potential.

Alignment is the connection between what you truly care about and where you decide to focus your resources.

​Your personal resources of time, energy, and focus are precious and must be deliberately harnessed to move you towards your dreams.

Action is taking step after step in honor of your vision.

Sometimes the action will be big, bold and life-changing. Other times it will be small daily choices to be uncomfortable and to do things that are scary. One thing I know? Action requires a rock solid connection to your “why.”

Accountability is knowing your actions are being supported in community.

It’s an extra dose of witnessing, of hand holding, of camaraderie, of peeling back the layers of your resistance. Accountability reminds you that you are not alone. It asks of you both responsibility and vulnerability.

I have seen the magic of committing to these 4 pieces of forward movement over and over.

It’s a practice. A process. A mindset.

And yes, sometimes you fail. Sometimes it all feels like a slog. Sometimes your heart is so broken, it’s hard to imagine hoping for anything ever again.

But learning this process and committing to its steady magic is worth the effort. It’s work the work. It’s worth the attention.

You are worth the attention, dear one.


Let’s take a moment here to take stock.

You may be operating with one of those same assumptions, but you’re choosing to believe it could be different.

You know that your life is your offering and that awareness + action are everything.

​Own that fact. Live that life.

You’ve got this.

Because these excuses, these beliefs, this stagnation?

  • I’m just trying to stay afloat right now. I’m too busy and overwhelmed to even know what I really want, so why bother trying to figure it out?
  • Other people have the confidence, connections, money or support to go after big crazy dreams, but I don’t. I’ll never be Brené  Brown or Mindy Kaling or Danielle LaPorte Roxane Gay  or Taylor Swift or Elizabeth Gilbert — so why bother trying?
  • Nothing has ever worked for me in the past — even when I join a group or put money down or declare my goals publicly. It’s getting embarrassing to even admit I still want “fill-in-the-goal,” so why bother trying if I’m just going to fail again?

​​Buying into these beliefs is totally optional.

Let me repeat. TOTALLY OPTIONAL.

If any of the above beliefs still sound familiar, can I suggest you try these instead?​

  • I must give myself time for silence, reflection and visioning to (re)connect with my dreams. I must give myself space to (re)commit to my goals. A lack of clarity about my bigger picture is one of the causes of my overwhelm, not one of the symptoms.
  • Big dreams (however I define them) are for me. I am allowed to want more or desire different. I am capable of using the confidence, connections, money or support I do have to create my reality. And best of all? I am capable of doing hard things.
  • Learning the Awareness + Alignment + Action + Accountability process is worth the effort. Committing to its steady magic is worth the work. And I am worthy of the attention it’s going to take! I may not have had the right tools or community before, but I’ve found them now and I’m going to use them.

So here’s the next step, honey.

You have to take these new beliefs and cement them into your being by proving them true to yourself.

​Set aside your hesitations, your busyness, your fear.

​You are a woman with dreams. A woman with goals. A woman with a vision for her life.

Go all in.

p.s. Need some structure for turning these beliefs around and recommitting or rediscovering your dreams? Join me for The Holiday Council — we start on November 26th! We spend one week releasing 2018 so we can enter 2019 renewed and refreshed. We spend one week wildly dreaming and scheming for 2019, tuning into our true desires.We spend one week plotting, planning and creating accountable action plans for 2019. It’s a bit magical, a bit practical and a whole lot of necessary.

 

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