$3000 or $13000, it didn’t matter.
Hugged by a man or a pillow, it didn’t matter.
Beautiful home or pillow-less and nestled under a sleeping bag in a rented room, it didn’t matter.
The circumstance shifted, but the fear persisted.
Will I always be stuck? Will that ‘next level’ forever be plastered to a vision board?
Now that I have it, will I lose it? How will I keep it up?
Security. No matter what I did it seemed to scuttle to the side, while fear, juiced-up and aggressive, sauntered to the center-line.
No achievement, no bar, no applause or touchstone could hold security close to me, and I didn’t understand why.
How can I have tripled my income and still not feel secure?
How can I have the home of my dreams, and fear that I’ll lose it?
Would $100,000 in the bank make me breathe easy? A million?
If I had a ring on my finger, would I feel loved?
After dancing a great many rounds of finding and losing my sense of security – and watching that affect everything from my bank balance to my love life – I understood that I would always ride the rollercoaster unless I sought a different source of safety.
The truth is, security can’t come from without, it can only manifest from within.
In order to embed security in my bones, I needed to identify the things in life that made me feel secure.
I’d experienced contrast of earning nothing to earning my annual income in a month, only to find the amount of money wasn’t a source of security – honestly, money is the result of security.
Security didn’t lie in a romantic commitment. I’ve been committed to a man and felt alone, I’ve been single and felt invincible.
Where was it then? This security, this trust, the all knowing that no matter what happens, no matter the circumstance, I’m going to be okay.
On what aisle do I find the bottle of everything is always working out for me?
Coming to the realization that, my source of security is not money, it’s not a man, and it’s not a material possession, I was left with the choice – find the well, or live a parched existence, falling victim to begging a sip off whatever shows up that day.
There’s certainly no security down that path.
My source of security is as unique as my fingerprint.
So I began the search by asking a simple question: What is security?
Security is knowing that, no matter what, I am okay, I am loved, I am enough.
So I asked the next question: Where do those feelings blossom?
The answers flooded my mind.
In the ocean. Surfing. Paddle boarding. Swimming.
Outside with my feet firmly planted on the earth, witnessing the extreme abundance of nature.
At home, gazing at my beautiful belongings, each carefully chosen and loved for the memory it contains.
In pouring love over my family, my friends and my love.
In expression, creativity, and writing for the delicious joy of it – not for the reaction.
In the stillness of morning meditation.
Those are the moments where I know myself as I truly am; those are the wells that fill me with security, love and trust.
It’s not my bank account. It’s not a ring. It’s not in owning or accolades.
My security comes from BEing in my life, existing mindfully, and making choices that are in alignment with my values.
The money is a result.
The marriage is a bonus.
The house is lovely.
But without it, would I still feel safe in this world? Would I still feel taken care of? Would I still know that I am enough?
The answer today is, yes – as long as I fill my cup from the wells that keep me connected, safe, and secure.
If I abandon those, I begin to look outwardly for security; I begin to question my safety.
I start to wonder if I truly am enough.
Like plants, we need tending to. We need watering, and nutrients and sun and shade.
We need to fill ourselves from our own wells of security. Without it we suffer, with it we flourish.
So take a moment to ask yourself, what in your life makes you feel supported, loved, and secure?
What fills you up?
Then make that your priority, and mold the rest of life around it.
Riches can be lost, love can disintegrate, houses can burn, but the security you foster within yourself and your life can never be taken from you – unless you abandon the source from which it comes.
Joyful founder of Miniskirt Ninja and The JoyBomb Collective™, Ashley Welton, who hails from Hawaii, supports successful entrepreneurs in living their message through and through and coming alive in every direction. She lives an enthusiasm-laced lifestyle and dedicates much of her time to surfing, traveling, exploring, and making life and business more delicious. For more stories about doing life and business on your terms, and a VIP invite to The JoyBomb Collective™, sign up here. She also shares photographic evidence on Instagram, @miniskirtninja.