Soon after I started dating Mr. A, my Grams asked me how a new love interest was going to affect my writing for Stratejoy. I was supposed to be in crisis and not in love, right?! What was I going to write about if I was so happy all the time?
I think there is a misconception out there that a relationship will somehow cure a quarterlife crisis. I have friends who have said that they felt like everything would fall into place as soon as they met the right person. Nope. Not going to happen. A relationship does not cure a quarterlife crisis.
I started out writing for Stratejoy hoping to build a life full of radical love, fearless passion, and adamant boldness. I had two main goals for the six months I get to share my life here: 1. Find new ways to boldly love others, myself, and my life and 2. Ask for what I want without fear of rejection.
Loving boldly. Falling in love was the easy part. Figuring out how to do this right? That’s the hard part and the potential-for-big-things-reality of this relationship is bringing up some of my insecurities and fears. I, for starters, avoid conflict like the plague. I avoid conflict at work, in friendships, and, definitely, in relationships. Avoiding conflict is not bold and being in a relationship definitely did not automatically fix this character flaw.
Loving myself boldly and with kindness has not been magically solved by finally meeting someone as wonderful as Mr. A. In some ways he has helped me love myself more, without a doubt. He sees me in a new way and has made me love things I never even noticed about myself before. Being in a relationship where I feel super secure and cherished has drastically reduced my anxiety levels. But, I still battle the same internal voices that are hyper-critical and less-than-loving. There’s the part of me that squirms when he touches my stomach, because it’s not as flat as I wish it was. There’s the part of me that still battles the feeling that when I am being emotional I am being needy and a burden. There are no quick fixes–just patient and intentional love for myself.