Last week was The Loneliness… this week it is butterflies and boldness. A whirlwind story lifted out of some sort of movie; the kind of movie that makes people roll their eyes from the sappy-romantic-mess.
It feels like a story that’s been told before: boy and girl meet and months go by until one night something clicks. Sparks that light a would-be-normal-night on fire. Cue the montage of flowers, kisses, cuddles, and declarations of “intense feelings”.
Suddenly, I find myself 48 hours into this; dizzy and out of breath. It’s too early to tell you much, but in the spirit of Stratejoy and sharing my story with you all–
I am going to tell you that I am smitten. Hardcore smitten.
I used to think that falling for someone required an abandonment of self to make the jump. I’ve been known to jump too soon into things, recklessly leaping without making sure the other person is with me. The result is times when I am IN IT, looking up at the person I just jumped for, as they fumble around at the top refusing to jump for me. Not ideal.
This feels entirely different. This weekend is teaching me what bold is supposed to feel like in the beginning of a relationship that has the potential to be life changing. Bold doesn’t mean reckless. Instead, I’m figuring out that boldness is taking intentional steps toward something that is simultaneously exhilarating and frightening.
I am fighting the urge to spend every minute of my day with him AND fighting the urge to run hard and fast in the other direction. I am NOT running though. Boldness is letting someone new enter your world, but slowly and thoughtfully. Letting them in when it’s right not because I am forcing intimacy.
Everyone carries stories and baggage with them and feeling like I want him to know all of it, when the time is right, FEELS braver than I’ve ever felt.
So, that’s where I am. Smitten, unable to think of anything else. Baby-stepping into something feels HUGE and SCARY but also ELECTRIC and EASY. Things can change in an instant. Wow.